My latest labor & delivery triage call

...went something like this:

Me: "Labor and delivery, this is Kelli."

Caller: "Hi this is Kim*, a patient advisory nurse. I have a patient on the phone who is 23 weeks pregnant and she has a question."

Me: "Ok. I can help you."

Kim: "She stepped on a rusty nail today and now her foot is swelling up."

This is the part where I really wanted to say "Does she have a 23-week fetus coming out of her foot? Because that's what I do. Triaging medical calls is what YOU do. But I thought I'd be polite.

Me: "Is she having any problems pregnancy wise right now?"

Kim: "No, just the swollen foot."

Me: "Ok, then that's an emergency room type of call. She probably needs a tetanus shot. We don't treat that kind of thing up here."

Kim: "Ok, I'll just talk to her then!"

Maybe I should be a little nicer in my head even, but I keep getting stupid calls from patients.

"Hi, I just had sex with my boyfriend. Do you think I could be pregnant?"

"Did you use any form of birth control?"

"No."

"Then yes. But you won't know for a couple of weeks."

That girls sounded like she was about 14.


"Hi, I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I have a pain in my shoulder, like a pulled muscle kind of, but I was wondering if it could possibly be pre-term labor?"

"Do you have any pains in your belly or in your back, or do you have any vaginal bleeding or fluid leaking?"

"No, just my right shoulder, like I said, kind of like I pulled a muscle."

"Ok, you probably pulled a muscle then. Take some Tylenol and put a warm pack on it."

Really, not every injury or illness is related to pregnancy, even if you are actually pregnant. Could you have stepped on a rusty nail not pregnant? Of course! Are you going to visit the labor and delivery unit for treatment? Of course not, you'd go to the ER! So why would you call me now???